Veritas
by B R Cary
Summary: Sometimes the darkest moments in our lives bring forth the greatest truths.


**Veritas**

Detective Alex Eames stood in the cemetery beside her partner, Detective Bobby Goren, and listened as the Father from one of the local Catholic churches conducted the graveside service for Bobby's mother. During the past several days, Bobby had been getting ready for the memorial service and had surprisingly asked for her assistance, which she gladly granted. Although he had repeatedly assured her that he was all right, Alex was worried about him. Bobby's mother's illness and his subsequent care of her has consumed his life for nearly 40 years and though, logically, he had to know his mother was no longer suffering, she had been such a determining factor in all of his life's decisions. Now without his mom to focus on, Alex wondered what he would do.

Alex's musings were interrupted when she suddenly felt a hand take hers. As she intertwined her fingers with Bobby's, she looked over at him and noticed he was still looking straight ahead. Sensing his need to feel her presence, she stepped closer to him and put her free hand on his arm, rubbing it up and down in what she hoped would be a comforting gesture, not caring that several members of the Brass were standing close by. When the service ended, she started to step away but Bobby did not move nor did he release her hand. She moved back beside him, determined to be there as long as he needed her to be. Most people in attendance had already expressed their condolences, so they stood there in silence for a few moments. All of a sudden, Alex felt someone place a hand on her shoulder from behind. Turning slightly, she saw her and Bobby's former captain, Jimmie Deakins, standing there. "Captain," she said her surprise evident in her voice.

"Hello, Alex. And it's just Jimmie now," Deakins said, giving Alex a quick hug, then he turned to Bobby and gave him a quick, man hug. "Bobby, I am so sorry for your loss."

"Thank you, Sir," Bobby said, speaking for the first time since arriving at the cemetery. "You didn't have to come all the way up here, though."

Deakins gave Bobby a warm smile. "You were one of the best men I had on my team and I don't mean your skills as a detective. I wanted to be here for you. Angie wanted to be here as well, but she just had some minor surgery and her doctor told her not to do any traveling."

A look of guilt crossed Bobby's face. "Sir, you should be with your wife instead of coming up here."

A familiar male voice from behind Deakins answered. "There is no way Angie would have allowed that to happen."

Both Alex and Bobby turned toward the voice and saw the tall, stately figure of Ron Carver. "I came to pay my last respects to your mother."

Bobby stood there for a second, then said quietly, "Thank you, Mr. Carver. I know we didn't always see eye to eye, but that means a great deal."

"Is there anything we can help you two with?" Deakins inquired, knowing Alex had been helping Bobby close his mother's affairs.

Alex looked over at Bobby and saw him shake his head slightly. "No, that's all right. I think we have most everything done already."

Deakins nodded. Reaching out, he placed his hand on Bobby's shoulder. "I know you may feel you are here to say good-bye to one of the last remaining members of your family, but that is not true. There are many people around you who consider you family. You just have to open your eyes and be willing to accept the possibility of it." Bobby just nodded in return, appearing to not be able to speak at the moment. "If you need anything, anything at all, please give me a call." He squeezed Bobby's shoulder, then turned and embraced Alex once more. "I'll see you both back in New York."

"Thanks, Sir," Alex responded.

Carver reached and shook Bobby's hand after Deakins stepped away. "She might not have always been aware of it, Detective, but your mother had a son she could have been extremely proud of." Before Bobby had a chance to respond, Carver turned and surprised Alex by giving her a hug.

As Carver and Deakins turn to leave, Deakins leaned in and whispered in Alex's ear, "Take care of him, Alex. You are the only person he will let do so."

Alex nodded silently, and then watched Deakins and Carver walk off. Her hand was still being held by Bobby, who gripped it tightly almost as if her was afraid to let her go. Switching her gaze to him, she noticed he was staring at the grave site again. She stepped closer and said, "Carver was right. I'm sure your mother was very proud of you."

Bobby looked at Alex with a resigned look on his face. "Let's get out of here, Alex."

Nodding, Alex led Bobby to the car.

XXXXXXX

Later that morning, Alex looked up from one of the boxes she had just placed the last of Frances Goren's belongings in. Bobby had decided to give most of items to various local charities, keeping very few things for himself. Wiping her forehead on her sleeve, Alex wondered where he was. She wandered around the hospital complex, finally finding him sitting in a chair in one of the hospital waiting rooms. She crossed over to him and laid her hand on his shoulder. "Hey, what are you doing here all by yourself?"

Not looking up, Bobby answered, "I'm just getting used to being all alone."

Alex's heart broke at Bobby's admission. This is what she had been afraid of. Bobby always took all the blame for a situation and, whether he deserved it or not, laid it upon himself. Then he pulled into himself and away from others. "Bobby, you are not alone. I'm still here."

"But for how long? I just lost my mother and Frank is as good as dead. Having you as my partner is the only thing I have left," Bobby replied, closing his eyes.

Moving in front of Bobby, Alex kneeled down so she would be at face level. "Bobby, this partnership and your friendship mean everything to me. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

Bobby opened his eyes. Reaching out, he ran a hand down Alex's cheek, something he had only dared to do once during her stay in the hospital after the Jo Gage incident and only when she had been asleep so she couldn't reject the gesture. "I only hope that is a promise you can keep."

XXXXXXX

Much later that evening, Bobby woke up from the light sleep he had been in when he realized the car had come to a stop. Glancing out the window, he noticed Alex had driven him to her house, not his apartment. Looking over at her, he said, "Alex, my car is at my place, remember? How am I supposed to get home? It's not like there are any cabs out here."

"You are home, at least for tonight. It's late and I know you are as tired as I am, probably more so. Besides, I thought you might like some company," Alex answered.

Bobby started to protest, but looking at Alex he decided she was right. He did not want to go home to an empty apartment. It would only emphasize how truly alone he was. At the same time, Alex had already done so much for him. She had comforted him when he had lost it over his mother's death, had stayed by his side while he made all of the arrangements for her funeral, and distracted him when he realized Frank was not going to be at the service. He would never be able to thank her enough for her loyalty and friendship. He did not want to wear out his welcome with her, but he was still enough of an emotional wreck that he had to take whatever comfort she offered him for his own sanity's sake. However, his pride mandated he say, "Alex, I appreciate everything you have been doing for me, but I don't want to keep taking advantage of our friendship."

Alex smiled as she opened the car door. "Bobby, have you ever known me not to tell you when you have crossed a line? You are nowhere even close to it, so don't worry about it."

Giving Alex a small smile in return, he got out of the car and grabbed his overnight bag. As he followed her into the house, he noticed, that as it usually did, the homey interior of Alex's place made him feel instantly at ease. He always felt safe here and knew it was an extension of the way he regarded Alex herself. She was his rock, his safe haven. He was so engrossed in his musing that he almost did not hear her call his name. "Yes," he said.

"Would you like something to drink?" Alex asked as she removed her jacket.

"Sure, thanks. Um, do you mind if I take a shower first?" Bobby replied, suddenly feeling very self-conscious. He had never taken this much liberty at Alex's before.

"Not at all. You should know by now, Bobby, that whenever you are here, you are more than welcome to make yourself as much at home as you would like," Alex said as she smiled at him again. "Of course, that does not mean you can leave a trail of books or back issues of the _Smithsonian _where ever you go."

Alex's attempt at humor brightened Bobby's mood a little, as he knew it was meant to. He looked back at her with a look of feigned indignation. "I don't even do that at my own place."

"Sure, Bobby, whatever. Go get your shower," Alex shot back, and then she walked toward the hallway. "Anyway, I kind of anticipated you would agree to stay here, so I put fresh sheets and towels in the spare room. If you can't find anything else you might need, just ask."

Walking past Alex into the spare room, Bobby laid his hand on her arm. She smiled up at him, then placed her hand over his and gave it a small squeeze. She moved away into the living room and Bobby crossed to the large bed. Setting his overnight bag on the bed, he opened it and took out the things he would need for his shower. Grabbing one of the towels off the dresser, he moved to the bathroom, looking into the living room as he did. He did not see Alex there, so he assumed she was in the kitchen. That was confirmed when he heard one of the cupboard doors shut. He closed the bathroom door behind him, set his things on the counter, undressed, turned the shower on, and got in. The warm water did wonders to work out some of the weariness from his limbs, as well as his spirit. The fact that he was standing completely undressed in the same space that Alex often stood in a similar manner certainly did not hurt. Taking a deep breath, he tried to get his thoughts under control. He finished his shower as quickly as he could, dried off, and got dressed in a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. After running a towel over his hair, he opened the door and crossed back into the spare room. He put his things back in the overnight bag and went to join Alex. She was sitting on the couch with a mug in both hands. Bobby walked over and sat down next to her.

"I made you some chamomile tea," Alex said as she handed Bobby one of the mugs. "I figured you could use something soothing."

Bobby took a sip of the tea, and then turned to Alex. "Thank you and I don't mean just for the tea."

Alex smiled softly. "You don't have to thank me, Bobby."

"Yes, I do. I know I don't tell you as often as I should how much your friendship means to me. I would have never been able to get through these last few days if it hadn't been for you," Bobby responded quietly.

Reaching out, Alex put her hand over Bobby's. "I just wish things could have turned out differently."

"So do I, but I at least I know she's not still being tested on anymore, that she is free from the pain and no longer suffering."

"But you are. I wish I had some way to make it stop," Alex sighed.

Alex's honesty surprised Bobby and her words touched him deeply. "You are, just by being here." Alex squeezed his hand again and the two sat in comfortable silence. After a while, he noticed that Alex was starting to nod off, as was he. He set his mug on the coffee table and then did the same to hers. Leaning toward her, he softly ran his hand down her cheek.

"Hey, sleepyhead. What do you say we call it a night?" At Alex's nod, he stood up. Grabbing her hand in his, he gently pulled her off the couch. They walked towards the hall together and, at the junction to the two rooms, parted ways. "Goodnight, Alex."

"Goodnight, Bobby," Alex responded. She stood there for a second, then came over to Bobby and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. "Sleep well."

Bobby watched Alex walk back to her room and shut the door part way behind her. With a smile on his face, he went into the spare room.

XXXXXXX

Alex slowly opened her eyes and looked at the digital alarm clock that was on the nightstand. It read 1:21. She thought she had heard a noise and that was why she had opened her eyes, but the apartment was now silent. Her eyes had just started to close again when she heard the noise once more. The door to her room opened and she saw Bobby's tall frame illuminated by the light from the hallway. "Alex?" he said softly. Alex sat up in bed. "I'm awake, Bobby. Come in." Bobby crossed the room and sat down on the bed. When nothing was forthcoming from him, she inquired, "What's wrong?"

"I was having trouble sleeping," Bobby admitted, sounding slightly distressed and very much like a little boy at the moment.

For as long as Alex had known him, Bobby has always had trouble getting a good night's rest. His overactive mind was constantly processing things he had read, seen, or heard. Another reason for Bobby's lack of sleep was that he was often plagued by nightmares. She suspected that this was the reason for Bobby's wakeful state. "Another nightmare?"

Bobby nodded slowly. "Yes. I'm sorry to bother you, though. I'll let you get back to sleep."

As Bobby started to stand up, Alex grabbed his arm. "Bobby, it must have disturbed you enough to prompt you coming in here. What was it about?"

Bobby looked down at the floor, then raised his head to meet Alex's gaze. "You."

"Me?" Alex questioned, surprised. She had thought that the nightmare would have been about his mother or about past cases, as most of Bobby's other ones were.

"You," Bobby repeated. "It starts out as it always does, where someone is being taken and I can't do anything to stop it. This time, however, I realize that it is not some victim that is being taken from me, but you. I try to find you, but there is no one who will help me this time. Suddenly, I look around and realize I am all alone."

"Oh, Bobby," Alex replied, pulling Bobby into a hug. "You're not alone. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere. I thought we covered that already?"

"I need you so badly, Alex," Bobby said against Alex's neck.

Alex tried to suppress what the feel of Bobby's warm breath against her neck was doing to her. Bobby was hurting and sexual desire was not what she should be feeling at the moment. Bobby needed her, although that thought also increased her arousal level. Summoning all her willpower, she reigned in her desire and said, "I need you, too."

Bobby lifted his head at Alex's admission and a look of amazement crossed his face. He stared at her for a moment when his face changed to reflect something else, a look Alex was not quite familiar with. He reached up and placed one hand at the base of her neck and the other he used to cup her face. "Alex," he whispered in a low, gravely tone she had never heard from him before. He looked at her for another second, then slowly leaned forward and claimed her lips with his. Alex was startled at first, but slowly gave into the sensation. She felt Bobby pull away slightly and assumed he was going to say something when he suddenly kissed her again. This time there was nothing sweet about his kiss. It was hungry and demanding. She felt him run his tongue across her lower lip and she immediately opened her mouth to let him in. As his mouth explored hers, she noticed how good he tasted, like mint toothpaste, chamomile tea, and another flavor that was his alone. A million different sensations were assaulting her at once and as Bobby deepened the kiss even further, the rational side of her brain said she should not be letting this happen. However the other side, the one that had wanted Bobby for so long, overruled her rational side and she gave in completely to what she was feeling. Bobby began to kiss a path down her neck and his hands moved from her face to the front of her pajama top. He did not bother unbuttoning it, but just tore it open. Sliding the garment from off of her body, he dropped it on the floor and began placing kisses on her upper chest. Alex started to reach out and pull Bobby's shirt off of him, but he stopped her. He stood and quickly removed all of his clothing, then got back into the bed. Within seconds, he had her in a similar state of undress. He reclaimed her mouth with his and just as hungrily as his mouth explored hers, his hands did the same to her body. No man had ever made her feel like this. Bobby's touch was erotic, but at the same time tender. His almost complete lack of control was intoxicating. She could not believe this was happening. She had dreamed about this so many times and for such a long time that for it to actually be happening was almost too much. It seemed to be the same for Bobby because he suddenly entered her and another sensation flooded Alex's body - exquisite torture. It had been such a long time since she had been with anyone and Bobby entering her with such force had caused the unused muscles to cry out in protest, but she was not going to complain. She would not give up what she was feeling now for anything. Bobby began kissing her once more, moaning her name over and over between kisses. He was entering her with such ferocity that she was surprised the headboard was not slamming against the wall. She had never liked rough lovemaking and although Bobby was being quite forceful, he was still being amazingly gentle. His arms were underneath her supporting most of his weight and the way he kept saying her name pushed her arousal level even higher. The force between them, she knew, was their passion for one another unleashed and once set free, there was no way to contain it. Alex felt Bobby change positions slightly and when he entered her again, he hit just the right stop to make her dig her fingers into his back and arch herself even higher towards him. Her cry of pleasure was lost as Bobby covered her mouth with his, his tongue imitating what his body was doing. He moved his hands to her sides and ran them up and down slowly, despite the demanding speed of everything else he was doing. Alex felt herself near the edge of her climax and as Bobby entered her again, she fell over the edge into a chasm so deep she did not know if she could ever return. She felt Bobby follow her over the edge and suddenly felt as though their bodies had completely merged. There was no end or beginning to either of them – just one entity. Slowly, though, her mind and body became once more aware of their surroundings. With a sense of loss and disappointment, she felt Bobby roll off her, but the feeling was replaced with relief when he pulled her to him. Reaching down, he pulled the covers up around them and wrapping his arms around her, proceeded to fall asleep. Alex looked at her sleeping partner and a sense of contentment filled her. She loved this man with all her heart and she vowed to do whatever was in her power to make sure no one ever hurt him again. He had already had enough pain to fill two or three lifetimes. She placed a soft kiss on his chest, then laid her head on it and followed Bobby into the realm of sleep.

XXXXXXX

Several hours later, Bobby woke up from the deep sleep he was in and tried to roll on his side, but a light weight resting on his chest prevented him from doing so. Opening his eyes fully, he looked down and saw that Alex was practically draped across his body. As she moved slightly, he became very aware that both of them were completely nude. Suddenly it all came back to him and he closed his eyes again, this time in self-reproach. When Alex stirred in her sleep once more, Bobby slid from underneath her. After placing a pillow gently under her head, he grabbed his clothes from the floor and walked into the living room. He quickly dressed, then lit a fire in the fireplace and sat down in front of it. He watched as the flames consumed the kindling he had used as starter material and realized it was much like how he had been tonight. He had been so overcome with desire that he had just consumed Alex. Never in all of his other sexual encounters had he never lost control like that. All he had been able to think about was making Alex his. There had been no thought of her pleasure, of what she wanted or would like, just a burning need to be inside her. Not even Kristen Kline, whom he had his first and only one night stand with, had made him feel like that. He had felt guilty afterward because he had treated the act of sex as a casual thing and that was not like him. Despite his reputation as a "ladies man", he had never been one for casual sex. That was why he now lived so much for the job instead turning to any of the women who had expressed an interest in having a fling with him. So why then had treated the one woman he loved more than life like a cheap, one night stand? Alex was the woman who deserved more than anyone else in the world to be treasured and adored. She was the woman whom he had dreamed of more times than there was a number for making slow, passionate love to. But as much as he loved her, he had never acted on his desire for Alex because he assumed it was not returned. Tonight he had not even asked, he had just taken what he wanted. How could he have done that to her? How in the hell was he supposed to regain her trust after this? She would leave him and he would be truly all alone. His world would be gone. How could he have been so stupid? Then a thought struck him that cut even deeper. He realized that despite all his struggles not to, he had ended up just like his father and brother - cold, unfeeling, doing whatever he wanted without any thought as to how it would affect those he claimed to love. "Oh, God," he said aloud as tears of guilt and self-anger started to stream down his face. "What have I done to you, Alex? What have I done?"

XXXXXXX

For the second time that night, Alex was awakened by a noise in her apartment. Sitting up, she reached over to wake up Bobby and realized he was not in bed. Standing up, she grabbed her bathrobe and slipped it on. Walking out of the bedroom, she noticed Bobby sitting in front of a roaring fire. He head was cradled in his hands and by the way his shoulders were shaking, she could tell he was crying. She hurried over to him and put her hand on his arm. "Bobby, what's wrong?"

Bobby had not heard Alex enter the room and her touch caused him to jump. The concern evident in her voice only made his self-loathing even stronger. How could she still care about him after what he had done to her? "I'm fine, Alex. Just go back to bed."

Alex smiled humorlessly. How many times had she told Bobby she was 'fine' when she was not? "Don't use that phrase with me, Bobby. I'm the one who coined it, remember. Now what's wrong?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Bobby, please don't push me away, not after what happened between us tonight," Alex said softly. At the mention of their earlier activities, she noticed Bobby tense up. _He regrets it_, she thought _and he doesn't know how to tell me_. "You regret what happened between us, don't you."

"Of course I do," Bobby said, his head snapping up. It hurt him that Alex thought that he did not regret what he had done. The hope of them working this out slid further away from him.

Alex was dealing with her own emotions. She had not expected Bobby to react so strongly in expressing his feelings of what had happened. Obviously she had completely misread the sound of desire in his voice when he had said her name earlier. As much as she tried to, she could not keep the hurt out of her voice as she answered, "I'm sorry. It sounded to me like you were enjoying yourself."

Bobby cringed at Alex's words. This situation just kept getting worse. He quickly stood up and moved away from her. "No, Alex, I'm the one who is sorry. I never meant for this to happen this way. I never meant to force myself on you . . ."

Suddenly it hit Alex what Bobby had just said. Her eyes flew open and her mouth dropped in surprise. Bobby obviously thought he had forced her to do something she had not wanted to and that she was sorry it happened. She had to clear this misunderstanding up at once before Bobby fell even deeper into his infamous self-blame. She stood up and moved to where he stood by the sofa. Laying her hand on his arm once again, she said quietly, "Do you honestly think you forced me to make love to you?"

A little bit of hope came back to Bobby at the sound of disbelief in Alex's voice. "You mean you wanted to make love to me?" he asked, his own disbelief mirroring Alex's.

"Did you at anytime hear me ask you to stop?" Alex replied, a small smile appearing on her face.

Bobby could not believe what he had just heard. Just to be absolutely sure, he had heard Alex correctly, he said, "No, but you didn't answer the question."

"Yes, Bobby. I wanted to make love to you," Alex answered, then paused. "I still can't believe you thought you forced yourself upon me. You know, that doesn't show very much faith in either of us."

A look of confusion crossed Bobby's face. "What do you mean?"

"Well, it shows a lack of faith in yourself because I can't imagine that you can even think that you are capable of something like that, because you are not. I know that you would do harm to yourself before you intentionally let harm come to me. You've been that way since the first day we met. And it shows a lack of faith in my ability to take care of myself," Alex said, putting her hand on her hips.

Smiling internally at Alex's traditional 'I'm pissed off at you' pose, Bobby still did not understand how he had displayed a lack of faith in her abilities. "How does it do that?"

"Do you trust me?" Alex demanded.

"Of course, you know that."

"Do you trust me enough to guard your back during a case?"

"Once again, of course I do. There is no one else in the world I would rather have do so," Bobby replied honestly.

"If you think I have enough skill and prowess to watch your back, what makes you think I would guard my own with any less fortitude?"

The light bulb finally came on in Bobby's head. "You're right. I'm sorry."

Alex shook her head. Another thing to add to the list of things Bobby blamed himself for. There was, however, something she wanted to know. "Bobby, I know you regretted the thought that you forced me into making love with you, but now that you know you didn't, do you regret the act itself?"

Bobby was a little taken aback by the question. Either way he answered it could lead to one of them being hurt. If he answered yes, Alex might think that he did not think she was attractive. If he answered no, it might ruin his friendship with her. However, since he had always said that he believed in the truth, he said, "No, I don't, but I do regret not doing it properly."

Now it was Alex's turn to be confused. "Uh, Bobby, I assure you that you had all the correct parts where they should have been," she said, blushing slightly.

Bobby laughed softly. He could not help it. Alex was so cute when she blushed. "Well, it has been quite awhile so I am glad I remember where everything goes." He paused for a moment and a look of seriousness came over his features. "Seriously, Alex, I wanted our first time to be more . . . special."

A wave of both happiness and pain shot through Alex at Bobby's words. He had obviously had thoughts about them making love before tonight, just as she had. But although she had thought tonight was amazing and beyond anything she had ever experienced with anyone else, he apparently had had better with someone else. "You didn't think tonight was special?"

"God, Alex, tonight was incredible. I have never lost control like that before and I guess that is what scared me. I mean, not that I lost control, but that I had hurt you in some way. If it had happened after the third or fourth time, I could have dealt with it. I just always pictured our first time as being really slow and drawn out with me showing you exactly how much you mean to me, treasuring every touch, every caress, making you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world - which to me you are," Bobby said softly as he leaned over Alex, surprised by his own boldness. Suddenly he had no fear. He wanted her to know all that was in his heart.

Alex stood perfectly still and let Bobby's words wash over her like rain. No man had ever said anything like that to her and for Bobby to be the one saying them was mind blowing. She had no idea he felt that way. "Bobby," she said just as softly, "you did make me feel beautiful . . . and you still are."

Bobby smiled. "I'm glad, Alex." He reached out and pulled Alex to him, wrapping his arms around her tightly. He rested his chin on the top of her head and said, "Alex, I need to tell you exactly how I feel, what has been in my heart for so long. From the first moment I met you, I could not believe that the NYPD had made us partners. I was expecting someone who would be the final nail in the coffin of my career, but what I found was my savior. I was used to partners who treated me as the enemy, but you became my best friend. I expected you to be my critic, but you ended up being my strongest supporter. I can never thank you enough for all of those things and all I have to offer in return is myself . . . and my love." He moved his hand to raise her head so he could look into her eyes.

Absolute shock coursed through Alex's body. Surely she must be dreaming. Did Bobby Goren really just tell her he loved her? "Did you just say . . .?"

"Yes, I did," Bobby interrupted. "I love you, Alex. You have become my truth. I can't imagine my life without you, because you are my life."

Tears of joy started flowing down Alex's face. Normally she hated to cry, especially in front of Bobby, but she had waited to hear those words from him for so long. She looked up at him with a look of complete happiness and replied, "I love you, too, Bobby."

"I'm glad."

Alex smiled at the happiness in Bobby's voice, she said, "Bobby, we won't let this new twist in our relationship effect out old one, will we? I can't lose your friendship."

"I can't lose yours either. I need you in every way, Alex – your friendship, your warmth, your love. I don't know what I would do if I ever lost you," Bobby said, pulling Alex to him once more.

"Bobby, will you stop saying that. I keep telling you that I'm here and I'm not going anywhere, especially now that I know you love me. I will see to it that you are never alone again, I swear."

"I won't ever leave you, either, Alex," Bobby stated, meaning every word of it.

They stayed in each other's arms for several long minutes when Alex spoke again. "Bobby, what are we going to do about work? You know what the NYPD's policy is on partners getting romantically involved."

"Alex, I'm well aware that involvements are heavily frowned upon, but since when have I followed rules and regulations? Anyway, let's not dwell on that right now. Let's dwell on each other," Bobby said, giving Alex one of his rare, full-force smiles.

Like always, Alex felt herself melt at the sight of Bobby's smile. When he looked at her like that, she had a hard time refusing him anything. She smiled back and stepped away from his embrace. Taking his hand, she said, "What do you say to us dwelling on each other in the bedroom?"

Bobby's smile somehow managed to grow wider. "I say this is a subject that is going to require some serious research and you know how much I love my research."

"Well, hopefully we can put that library card of yours to good use," Alex teased as she led Bobby into the bedroom.

XXXXXXX

Sunlight filtering in from the bedroom windows and falling across his face caused Bobby to slowly open his eyes. _Third time's a charm_, he thought wryly to himself. The first two times fear had caused him to leave the bed he was in, but this time he was going nowhere. This time he was exactly where he wanted to be. Alex was asleep on her side with her back to him and her head resting on his outstretched arm. Bobby rolled onto his side so he could look at Alex's face. He was amazed at the changes in his life. Less than 24 hours before he had stood by the graveside of his wondering how he was to go on and thinking that he would be all alone. Now he was in bed beside the person he had loved in silence for so long and was amazed that she loved him in return. No matter what happened, just knowing that Alex loved him was enough to get through it. He brushed a lock of hair away from Alex's face and placed a soft kiss on her neck. He wrapped his free arm around her waist and pulled her closer to him. Laying his head close beside hers, he whispered, "Alex, you are my strength and hope and always will be. I love you." He had just started to drift to sleep once more, when he heard a quiet, sleep-laden voice reply, "I love you, too."

_**Author's Note: **_This was another of my stories that I originally written as an X-Files fanfic, then decided it might work for CI. So I made some changes and decided to post it. I know Bobby most likely did not have Alex help him with his mother's funeral arrangements, but for the story I wanted him to turn to her for support and comfort.

Please, please, please review and let me know what you think. I really do use the reviews and your feedback to help me grow as a writer. Plus reviews let me know if you actually like what I am writing and if I should post more.


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